I don't know why I have a blog. I used to have a blog so that people could keep up with me while I was gone. Was I so egotistical? Did I actually find myself so important that I thought people would WANT to keep up with me? Did I set myself up for colossal failure for thinking that if people wanted to keep up with me then I owed it to them to be amusing, and light, and funny and to entertain them? And is that what a blog is for?
Or perhaps is a blog therapy? Somewhere to write your thoughts and musings and to just vent? If I were less worried about entertaining and more worried about just expressing would I write more? I certainly can't write less... I mean come on, I haven't written in 6 MONTHS for crying out loud. I hardly even recognize the site anymore, it has been so long.
So I will try. Again. To write, to muse, to vent, perhaps to entertain. Maybe I will just journal here... tell what my day is like. Maybe someday my children will look back at my postings and know more of me because of what I share. Maybe.
I wonder if this should be like Lent... but instead of giving up something you DO something. Like a New Year's resolution (if I believed in those), but different. My friend Heidi posts to her blog on a regular basis... I will use her as an example, and I will strive to be much like her. She doesn't post everyday, but she is regular enough that there is often something new to read. I wonder if there are people out there that come here to see if I have something new to read like I do to my friend Heidi? If so then they must be so very disappointed in me. And that is depressing, I hate to disappoint people. In fact, I was talking about that with my friend Heidi just tonight... the dichotomy of life when one is a force of nature, and yet must please those around her. Interesting to note.I am participating in Lent this year. I have never done Lent before... I thought it was New Year's resolutions for Catholics and so never really paid attention. Our church is doing Lent this year. This year I understand, I understand that you give something up that you care for, that when you miss that thing, that when you are tempted to sneak and have the forbidden treat, that you remember what the Lord gave up for you. That He was tempted, that He resisted, that He did it all for YOU, and what about the tiny bit you are doing for Him. So I decided to give it a shot. I decided to give some stuff up for Lent. And when I am tempted to cheat, to think that no one would know, that it isn't a big deal, then I remember that it IS a big deal, that He will know, that this is the very least I can do to remember a Savior who gave everything up for me, who was tempted Himself and did not give in, for Someone would know, and the perfect salvation plan would have failed. Yes, 46 days is the least I can do. Oh... and in case you were wondering, soda, fast food and desserts. Soda and fast food.... not so big a deal. Desserts.... yea, I am praying a lot! Pray with me will you?