Odds and Ends

So I decided that there were some odds and ends of things that I needed to talk about that I just hadn’t gotten to.  Nothing major, just some random stuff that I don’t think you know… and I thought you should.  Mom was watching the Emmy’s last night and I was looking at pictures on the computer and I was reminded of some stuff.  So I will try to post a few pics, and I tell you a few funny, and morally indignant stories. 

First of all, let me start by saying, I had almost totally forgotten that Grampa was not the only person who physically abused me on the trip to the drag races.  You remember… he was too cool to be seen carrying in a turtle so he put me in a PLASTIC BAG… really, have you been in a cave somewhere, don’t you know little kids can CHOKE on plastic bags… seriously… anyway… I also wanted to point out that Mom did a bit of abusing herself.  The story goes back a little but I know you will turtle with me. 

OK… so most of you know that I am a mascot for the green team at camp…. I have been since I was born.  SO… I got in massive amounts of trouble this year for not following the “non-distraction” policy.  Miss Connie was forever on my case about my pants.  See, when I was born, I didn’t get a big enough butt. I know, I know… a lot of you ladies out there right now are thinking, “Gosh… I wish I didn’t get a big enough butt.”  Let me tell ya’, it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  Oh… cracked up… FUNNY!  Cuz that’s what I kept getting in trouble for… my pants sliding down off my non-existent butt!  It doesn’t matter what I do, I just don’t have enough junk in the trunk to keep my pants up and in case you aren’t up on current events, belts for turtles are a little hard to come by.  SO…. Mom, being the field expedient one that she is, SAFETY PINNED my pants to my heinie!!  She said that solved the problem, and granted, the pants stayed up, but seriously, at what expense?  That sucker hurt!  Ok… so bad enough that I have a safety pin in my nether regions, when we were at the races, mom was worried about my hat.  She got even more worried after Miss Ashley and Papa Force signed it.  She was afraid that she would be carrying me around and the hat would fall off and be lost forever.  She claims she was worried about sunburn and my “souvenir” but I think she’s been watching a little too much Grey’s Anatomy because she SEWED MY HAT TO MY HEAD… WITHOUT ANESTHESIA! She went to the front desk of the hotel and asked for more safety pins and instead they gave her a sewing kit…. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!  See, you can tell in the picture… the side where the hat lies unnaturally flat?  Yea… sewn on!  So LC kids, Daniel and Sarah… if you ever forget something a lot of days in a row and she asks you if you need a note stapled to your forehead, for the love of Pete…. RUN!!!!!!

Ok… now, the other thing that I have to tell you about.  Did you know we got a dog?  Well, Mom calls her a dog… I am not entirely sure.  This is her.  I think the only redeeming thing about her was that she had green in her ears when we first got her (you KNOW how I LOVE green!) but that has long since gone away.  She is a toy Chihuahua. Ok, cuz like a regular Chihuahua wasn’t small and annoying enough, they had to make a littler one?  I mean get real people!  Ok… so, I have to admit, she was kind of cute when she was small… and I didn’t see her much cuz she’s too little to get up on the bed.  I on the other hand, on the bed all the time unless we are travelling!  Here is a picture of us back when I thought she was cute.  So, I have to tell you this story though, she wasn’t as cute this weekend, Mom let her come and stay at the trailer with us.  She’s not been there much cuz she’s not really allowed… Mom got her when we were living in the other house and then she had to go back to the trailer so it’s all confused… ANYWAY… so she came to stay this weekend for a visit.  Let me share a couple of things with you…. Number one… it is NOT NICE to bite the hand of the turtle whose Mom feeds you!  Let me tell you something little missy, I am NOT a chew toy!  I am NOT rubber, I do NOT squeak, I do NOT dispense treats, do NOT chew on my hands, pull my ears or scratch at my shell.  Ok, and to you mom… I want to submit for record that not once in a restaurant have I endangered you ability to stay!  What am I talking about some of you may ask… Ok, here it goes.

Oh, and before I even start, I am NOT jealous.  I have been out to dinner many times with Mom, I just behave better!  Ok… the trailer has this fire alarm issue… since there are like, a million trailers all strung together they all have a central alarm.  So if one person sins, we all pay.  The fire alarm went off FIVE TIMES this weekend.  Well, it hurts the ears of the mutt.  So when Mom went to dinner (at the Olive Garden, with Uncle Mac, and DIDN’T TAKE ME) she took the puppy in case the fire alarm went off so that her precious little ears would be safe.  OK… I get that part.  Then it gets weird.  She took the dog, and the convertible.  And we all know that as long as the sun is shining, which it does pretty much all the time here… Mom will leave the top down, especially since it is such a pain in the butt to put it down and get the cover thing all sealed on it.  So… here she is with the dog and a convertible.  It’s not like she can leave the dog in the car… and apparently the trunk was out of the question although it seemed like a good idea to me…. So she put the dog and a blanket in a big zippered tote, left the zipper open about ½ an inch for air and put the dog under the table.  Now, I’m not the smartest turtle in the pond, but let’s think about this… tiny dog, small hole, Italian food… yea, you do the math.  All the sudden Mom and Uncle Mac are debating football teams and they hear “oh my gosh, what an adorable puppy” right around the time Mom realizes there is an awful lot of rustling at her feet.  Yea, Chulita shoved her head out of the bag, pushed the zipper over and climbed halfway out.  Luckily mom got her shoved back in and zipped right as the waiter came back.  The ladies at the other table said it was “their little secret.”  Sheesh… how dumb can you be?!  Anyway… just thought I would share with you. 

Ok… those are my odds and ends… I must go, mom is starting to pack up her stuff and want to ask her to post this for me.  Love you all… peace out!  Oh, and a picture of Tony Schumacher just cuz mom still thinks he's the coolest thing ever, even though he got beat this weekend!  Everyone has an off day now and again!

Comments

[gramma]

Sorry AJ she probably learned how to take dogs where they don't belong from me but for the record I never got caught.

[Eric]

Thanks for keeping us up on the odds and ends AJ